This is the childhood taunt heard on every playground across America. And there’s probably some version of it in every country around the World. We are taught as kids to never utter a lie. To do so is to bring down the worst guilt, the most sinful shame, and guaranteed you won’t get presents from Santa. We learn this lesson so young in Life and with such unbending conviction that just one angry, hurtful look on a parent’s face is enough to turn on an avalanche of tears.
Lie. Lying. Lied. Zoom forward to our adult selves. I came across a comments section on a blog that made me laugh. Basically, the blog creator was asking his audience, “under what circumstance is it OK to lie?” Wow. Psychologists could work on these answers till eternity ends and not find a more entertaining pastime. I think that’s why people become psychologists – to be delightfully surprised by just how wacked-out people can get. Anyway, i read pages of comments. And gosh – i was entertained! People were quite adamant that they abhorred lying, never lied, and it was generally unforgivable under any circumstance. Then they proceeded to list in detail all the lies that are acceptable. Right.
Honestly, lying gets a bad rap. Lying is our communication bread and butter in surviving society. How could we ever get to our desks in the morning if we had to honestly answer every time someone asked, “How are you?” Oh please – there aren’t enough hours in the day to answer. When the office guys get together and ask, “We’re going to Redneck’s BBQ for lunch; anybody got a problem with that?” And you answer, “No whatever,” when in fact you would rather go anywhere other than Redneck’s BBQ. The cliché, but always real, girlfriend question, “Does this look good on me?” I believe we all know the answers we’ll give. If we’re honest.
So – we should really ask ourselves, how many truths do we tell? Get a stop watch and clip board and mark down every time you are completely truthful and you will get an idea of the various shades of lying we tell on a minute-to-minute basis. And is lying really so bad? Why? Our little twitchy minds can justify anything, so how do you tell if it’s a “good” lie or a “bad” lie? And while we’re at it, get two people to agree on what “good” and “bad” mean in reference to lying. Does that make your face twitch just thinking about it? I read a very good book recently, “Lying and Deception in Everyday Life” edited by Michael Lewis and Carolyn Saarni. An excellent, excellent read. Not a summer book to be sure but full of real-people truths. Which is ironic for a book about lying. The book is authored by more than a dozen PhD’s and has a wide range and depth of subject. The editors pull no punches and aren’t shy to cover aspects others fear to tread. I liked the idea put forward by one author that we abhor lying in others but justify our own lies as being necessary. Yes indeed.
If you are really honest, you know for a fact you can’t live without lying. It’s a part of society and part of being human. So i think we should take another look at lying and the convoluted part we play and re-create our views of lying. Gosh – Lying has taken the rap for too long. It’s feeling pretty jaded and hurt. I think we need to cuddle up next to Lying, wrap it in a warm blanket, and whisper – “it’s OK Lying; you’re beautiful and you’re cool. Don’t listen to all those other people. I love you. You’re OK.”
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